2000 Chrysler Grand Voyager Transmission load on engine too

My 2000 chrlsler grand voyager 3.3 v6 starts perfect, but when shifted into any gears apart from N and P it lunges forward or backward and kills the motor. When transmission is warm, the load on the motor is somewhat less, but still drops rpm below idle, which the engine compensates for by increasing revs slightly, and the car shoots off when the pedal is released. Otherwise operation when moving is fine. Also, when coasting in top gear, and revs come down to idle, the car vibrates, but can see that this is just the same problem, because if I jab the throttle, it down shifts increasing rpm, and the vibration disappears. I figure its an electronic problem, but not sure where to begin looking. Tried reseting the computer but unplugging it and leaving ignition in the on position, but no change. The ATF is still pink and smells fine.
Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks