Now my CRV won't start at all. I can safely guesses that it has to do with the fact that the oil has greased up the wire to plug contacts. However, what is the problem and am I totally screwed? Head gaskets will emit water into the oil, but oil leaking into the spark plugs, to me it's unheard of. Please help out a poor military guy.
Don't dispair. The oil in the spark plug hole is a common problem. You heed to replace the valve cover gasket and the spark plug hole seals. They are just a rubber washer that is supposed to keep the oil out of the plug holes. They get bad. Usually, once you try to take off the valve cover the gasket there comes off in pieces. Get the parts, put it back together and clean the system up. I would suggest that you replace the plugs and wires. The oil leaking in could cause a plug to crack and the wires could be saturated and start to disintigrate.