1996 Chrysler Town and Country 02 Sensor Wiring

I hope you folks can help me. I was getting a P0171 code on my van. Lean bank one, then all of a sudden it shut off and would not start. Someone suggested an upstream 02 sensor. I did that (what a pain). Come to find out it looks as though someone had replaced it before and left the plug connector sitting on the exhaust. It was melted beyond recognition with wires going in to it blackened. I bought a universal for the year and make of my T&C and wired it directly into the wiring harness. I cut back the wiring harness wires until I found color and I tried to keep track where the new wires should go. I thought I had it right, but after putting it back together it still did not fire. I reset the PCM by disconnecting the battery but was not getting anything to the coil. After much reading I found how to put the relay that controls it to ground and it started right up. Took the ground off and now it starts and runs without any problem, well it starts without any problem. The van now gives an immediate P0351 code and a 43 on the key on and off trick. It runs very rough, I tried new coil, plugs, cam sensor with no luck. I am wondering if I have the 02 sensor wired wrong or if this is another issue.

The new 02 is 4 wire 2 white(heater)gray(ground)black(signal) but with no plug as a reference I don't know where these wires should cut into the harness. I think getting this right would be a good place to start, but I dont think this is my P0351/43 problem.

Any help would be most appreciated!