1996 Chevy Cavalier 2.2L 4 cyl. Drive problem

I am having tuff times driving my car it starts up and everything no problem but I put it into drive or reverse or even L1 and L2 and I have to seriously rev the car fully "like someone trying to show" of for it to slowly kick inand after it hits a certain mph it goes fine but sometimes feels like it would be in nuetral for an instance and then kicks in after I let off the gas a little bit and when it kicks in it has suddenly started almost like a grinding but only at first and it gets really hot well becus u have to rev the engine ever time u come come to a complete or almost complete stop let me know please only transportation and it takes 15 seconds for it to kick in each time if I am easy with it sometimes it doesnt! :X